Have you ever just sat down somewhere, anywhere, and kind of reflected on your life?

I’ve been doing that a lot lately. The nonjudgmental silence and the peaceful atmosphere just envelop around me and my mind drifts off unto subjects I normally wouldn’t even bother thinking about. These subjects primarily focus on the outcome of my future, and if I’m doing enough to make sure that that outcome is the best it can possibly be.

I won’t lie. I’m stressed and terribly pessimistic all the time lately. I’m about to become a Freshman, which makes me realize I only have four years until college. My grades have always been just average, and the fact that I’m incredibly lazy just increases my worries about high school, which in return, adds more stress. College, unfortunately, isn’t nominal when it comes to price, and seeing as the economy sucks and my family is bourgeois, I feel it is entirely compulsory to obtain a scholarship from a highly respected education system. That way I can get a high paying job and assist with my sisters’ education, help my parents’ pay off some bills, buy a house and maybe be able to settle down without having to worry if I’m going to make it or not in this world.

Even more stress.

And this is what I do all the time. Worry, worry, worry. But I’m only fourteen, should I be worrying all the time? I mean, shouldn’t this be a time to not be entirely focused on adulthood and the real world, and be more involved in enjoying my time here, because it won’t last? Shouldn’t I make as many mistakes as possible and have a killer social life and find self identity rather then endlessly trying to be perfect and constantly cycling over what I want to do with my life?

You know, have a little fun? Just maybe? 

Also, when I reflect, I like to tell myself that it will all figure itself out in the end. Because that’s a common thing to do when ennui has set in and you’re mind is too perplexed with the situation at hand to figure out a solution.

And hopefully it will. All this stress building up is making me break out way too much.